The ASK: Say "Hello" to someone you don't know very well
This ASK was hard for me! I am an introvert and feel very anxious talking to new people. Today, I saw a colleague that I've never really met, and I said "Hello." This led to a lovely conversation, and it turns out, he is a quite a nice guy!
For students, this is a great ASK, because it encourages them to break out from their small friend group and meet other people. Also, the person could be lonely or shy. Saying "Hello" is an easy way for students to be kind, and they might even make a new friend along the way!
Considerations for Schools:
- Younger students should be reminded that this does not contradict teachings of "Don't Talk To Strangers" and should be able to understand the difference!
- This may be difficult for some students who are very shy. Alternatives could include role-playing saying "Hello" to someone new with a guidance counselor or teacher.
The ASK: Thank a custodian for all of the work they do!
I am partial to this one because my dad is a custodian! I still think it's a great ASK though. We have been having midterms at my high school, so I have only been seeing my middle school students. This leaves some free time to get things done in my office! I ran a stress relief fair last May, and I had a big box filled with supplies from that. I was able to condense the boxes down into a filing cabinet drawer! It cleared out my room a lot, but that meant I had several boxes to throw out. Then, one of those big boxes had a lot of used paper that someone had sent over. So, again, I put out a ton of trash.
When I put the trash out, I left a note on it (I really enjoy the sticky notes!):
It might not be much, but I hope it helped him to not feel like he is taken for granted. So often, we ignore the people that keep our worlds running smoothly. Take a few minutes to acknowledge that without your school or office custodian, there would be trash all over the place. I've always been aware that I am grateful to my school's custodian - now he knows too!
Considerations for Schools:
- As with any note-leaving ASK, make sure students have access to sticky notes and don't deface property
- Students can also go up to a custodian and thank him or her in person
- Students should not just leave sticky notes randomly around - then they are creating more work! Putting it on a garbage can shouldn't create any more work!
The ASK: Make time for someone who needs to talk.
A school day can be very hectic and stressful for students and staff. I know that I often have so much to do that even having lunch seems like an impossible task. Today was very close to being one of those days. At one point in my day, I was working on paperwork and one of my colleagues needed to talk. He was feeling uncomfortable about something that was going on, and wanted to talk to me to get some feedback (I'm keeping this vague to protect my colleague!). It was very difficult to stop what I was working on and listen to him, but I did.
Now think about all that a student has to do during the day: get to school, complete schoolwork, focus on the teacher, plan for extracurricular events, study for tests, and much more! It is hard for a student to find time to listen to someone who is needs to talk! Here's why it is important though; when you make time for someone and listen to them when they need to talk, what you are saying is "You matter. You are important. I care about you." When you have the opportunity to give that message to someone, you know you have found a true ASK.
Considerations for Schools:
- Students have to tell at trusted adult if their friend is dealing with any of the following: hurting themselves or other people, being hurt or abused in any way, being bullied, wanting to die.
- Sometimes, students may take any opportunity to avoid class. (I know, this is completely shocking!) Make sure students don't abuse this ASK to get out of schoolwork or class!
- Students should not take on more than they can handle - if they feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed they should get a trusted adult involved.
The ASK: Go out of your way to open the door for someone.
Brr! If you are in the Northeast, stay safe and warm! We are hunkered down inside right now. The stress of preparing for this storm has definitely created an environment where kindness is needed! I stopped by 7-11 on my way home (Slurpee for the husband, Peanut Butter Kandy-Kakes for me). It was packed! After I left, I saw a man wheeling a cart of supplies he was delivering towards the store. I turned around and opened the door for him. It wasn't much, but it may have made a difference for his day.
Plenty of times at my school, I am carrying papers, boxes, or yoga mats to or from an event or a meeting. It is very rare for someone to open a door to help me out, and on those busy days especially, a little help would mean a lot to me! So, for this ASK, students should go out of their way to open the door for someone: student or staff. It doesn't take a lot of time or effort, but it can certainly make a difference in someone's day!
Considerations for Schools:
- This is another of those ASK that would be wonderful for students to do on an everyday basis.
- Keep your school security rules in mind, especially those about not letting people in from outside! Students can open the doors for fellow students and school staff when entering the school in the morning or open doors within the school building during the school day. Don't breach the school's security by opening the doors for people outside: they can go to the main entrance and sign in!
The ASK: Leave the restroom better than you found it.
This ASK was completely spontaneous. That's the beauty of a project like this - you start spotting ASK opportunities everywhere! I was in the restroom at Target and noticed that someone had put a new outfit right away. How did I know? They left their tags all over the place - on the floor, on the top of the toilet paper dispenser, and on top of the sanitary receptacle. Now, let's make one thing clear. I was certainly not scrounging around on the floor to pick up garbage. That would be disgusting. However, the tags on top of the toilet paper dispenser and sanitary receptacle - that I could handle! I gathered them up and tossed them out. It was just a little thing, but it was definitely a kindness for the people that would use that bathroom in the future and the employees that would have to clean it.
Obviously, this will be a bit different when it's for school. The ASK is "leave the restroom better than you found it.." How can students do this? Students can flush a toilet with their foot when they notice that someone else didn't, wipe up water that spilled on the counter or sink, or throw some garbage away (not anything potentially hazardous!).
Considerations for Schools:
- I can't say this enough - students should NOT touch anything potentially dangerous or hazardous
- Hopefully, students will never have the opportunity to do this ASK because students will always clean up after themselves.
The ASK: Write a positive message on a sticky note and give it to a friend.
This ASK is very common in my life. A close friend of mine works in the same area of the school as me, so once in a while, we write a note on a sticky note with a positive saying or cute drawing and leave it where the other will see it. Any time I see one, it instantly brightens my day. Last night, I decided this would be an ASK that I could try today. I looked online for a positive quote about friendship, wrote it on a sticky note, and when I came into work today I put it on her desk.
Considerations for Schools:
- Students may not have easy access to sticky notes during the school day, so make sure to have plenty available for their use.
- Make it clear that messages must be positive!
- Teachers should know this may be happening(particularly for school-wide ASK), otherwise they may think that students are passing notes or leaving messes.
- Students receiving these notes should keep them or throw them away, not leave them for teachers or custodians to clean up.
**This ASK was inspired by Caitlin Boyle's project and books, Operation Beautiful. I was fortunate enough to meet Caitlin a few years ago when she did an Operation Beautiful presentation at my school. The work she is doing is wonderful!
Thank you for joining me on this journey to create and implement 180 Acts of School Kindness (ASK). An ASK is an action that a student can do in the school setting to bring kindness to another.
Who am I?: I am a SAC at a high school and middle school in New Jersey. You might be wondering what a SAC is; it either means substance awareness coordinator, student assistance counselor, substance awareness counselor, or student assistance coordinator. The title has changed over time to reflect the changing role of the SAC position. My actual job consists of a multitude of different things on a day-to-day basis, but there are 2 fundamental themes.
- I provide non-academic counseling to students. This encompasses just about everything except grades, college, and scheduling. Of course, those subjects come up in sessions, but more in the sense that they are impacting or being impacted by students' mental, emotional, behavioral, and chemical health.
- I provide education to students, faculty, and parents (or the community) about topics related to mental, emotional, behavioral, and chemical health.
In addition to being a SAC, I also have my school (guidance) counselor certification and I am a Licensed Associate Counselor in NJ. I have worked as either a school counselor or SAC with students ranging from K-12 and taught grades 8-12. I adore every grade I have worked with, but I keep finding myself drawn back towards elementary/middle school. I have always been interested in the resilience of children and through reading I've done on the topic, I came across the field of Positive Psychology and the work of Martin Seligman (who I am desperate to work with at some point!). I recently enrolled in a Positive Psychology graduate certificate program to learn more about the field. Also, I hope to one day earn a doctorate and focus my research on applications of Positive Psychology in school counseling. I also have a dream to write a children's book one day!
What is my plan?: Over the rest of the school year (5 more months), I will think, dream, discuss, and compile ideas for acts of school kindness (ASK) that are both free and appropriate to school settings. Then, I will try them myself* and share my reflections here.
When will I do this/When will I post?: I will do this whenever I can! Though I am very busy, I will make time to engage in ASK. You see, that's the point! Students are busy too, so the goal is to find acts of kindness that are practical and fit within the limitations of a student's average school day. I plan to try at least 1 new ASK every weekday, but will try for 2 or more to hit my goal of 180 by the end of the school year**.
Why do this?: The founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman, wrote in his 2011 book Flourish, “doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested." He then suggests a "Kindness Exercise" - "find one wholly unexpected kind thing to do tomorrow and just do it."
My school participated in the "Celebrate Kindness" initiative during No Name Calling Week. It was difficult for me to come up with ideas to suggest to students for Random Acts of Kindness because of being in a school environment and being unable to have students spend money on other students. At the end of this project, my goal is to have a list of 180 Acts of School Kindness that can easily be done, for free, by students of any age within the limitations of the school setting.
My hope is that the list will be used by guidance counselors, teachers, SACs, administrators, parents, and anyone else who understands the benefits of kindness to well-being, and wants to help students engage in ASK.
How are you going to get the ASK?: I don't know yet! I am hoping to come up with a lot through my own thoughts and experiences. I am also open to any suggestions or ideas for ASK, and I will certainly give credit!
* Don't worry, I won't use my students as lab rats!
** My ASK will not be part of my work day. The only time I will be trying them during school hours is when they organically crop up as a part of my job. Before or after school is fair game though!
